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As a being who has a moon sign in Capricorn and is designed to bump into life, the journey of learning to love myself is an arduous road. Since around the age of 11, the voices rooted in self-hatred, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, unworthiness, perfectionism, shame and abandonment have been loud and present. From my lens, life continued to only further confirm what the voices said and although these voices and events which generated them were from the virus of white supremacy and projection of other people's traumas, the self-blame, shame, and immense hatred felt to be my destiny. This hit an all-time high when I graduated from UCLA and lost the identity I had known for over 17 years. I was excessively drinking, being reckless with my mind and body, and feeling incredibly lost, alone, and confused all the while continuing to stuff any feelings, emotions or desires to seek help deep down inside. I was numb, deeply dissociated from my body and did not care if I lived or died.
In 2018, I was gifted the opportunity to dive deep into my heart while serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Uganda. It was an incredibly challenging and beautiful experience and although I brought the toxic and cyclic patterns with me, it gave me the opportunity to begin the process of reckoning with the extensive privileges I have, dissecting who I was, learning to separate self from the conditionings and expectations limiting me, exploring a different relationship with the voices in my head, and actively practicing loving myself, being vulnerable and asking for help. This time ignited passions for spirituality, Breathwork, meditation, astrology, energy work, mental health, racial justice and collective liberation which were only further nourished upon our sudden return to the States at the start of the pandemic. Although the state of the world and the uprooting of life put me in a deep depression, I was able to access talk therapy and began the process of professionally reacclimating to the States and working through the anxiety, paranoia, depression, self-limiting beliefs and toxic cycles I had oscillated in for most of life.
However, talk therapy simply was not enough. I could hear her telling me I was worthy, that I was enough, that life was worth living but to actually feel that? To wake up and be able to say “hey Kendle, you are worthy let’s have a great day!!” felt impossible and I felt stuck.
Thankfully, a friend suggested I try Reiki and linked me to an amazing Intuitive Energy Worker, Melanie Wood, and slowly, slowly I began to rise up leading me to where I am today - continuing my own healing through Somatic Based Therapy along side other modalities and on a path of infinite discovery of self and avenues of service to the collective through my gifts, skills, and abilities.
My Story: About Me
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